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Monthly Archives: May 2013

Love & Violence!

08 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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abuse, Aggression, Amour, Conflicts, cultural values, democracy, domination, empowerment, human relationships, Land, love, patriarchy, power balance, refusal acts, Social discources, tradition, violence, War, War Machine

Violence has many forms, levels and degrees; for instance, violence between men and women, violence between generations, violence between races, cultures and religions in a society and international violence between countries.

Most violence are ironically related to love; love for a person, love for God, love for democracy, love for land, love for …..

Do you think it is possible to love without any desire to possession, domination and control? Is it possible to love without being intrusive, without eliminating and limiting others’ freedom and wishes in life?

As we know, traditional patriarchal relationships have changed in western countries and women have fought for their advancements in the past few decades.  This social cultural shift has not happened in eastern countries. It seems that eastern countries are experiencing what western countries went through in 1950s.  This transition, as hard as it may be, is necessary.

Women in eastern countries are in transition; they are in the process of change; they began to question patriarchal traditions as well as their own roles in family and society.  They take initiatives to invite new ideas to their lives but social cultural and legal support are not there yet.

Why do you think love and violence got linked together? Who gets benefits from this marriage? Why do we attach positive meanings to acts of violence at times? What is the role of social discourses in this? Why have not we learned to love without exercising possession domination and violence?  What are the barriers to experiencing love without violence? Any ideas?

We intuitively know that love and violence don’t mix. We know that love is not genuinely experienced/ felt at presence of violence.  We know that any signs of violence-  possession, domination, aggression- is destructive to love. Why is it that this knowing is not included when interacting with one another?

To reduce violence in our interactions, we need to review our cultural values and beliefs; we need to separate destructive behaviours from acts that signify love.  We can not practice violence, domination and possession and name them as acts of love.  Love is damaged when violence, domination and possession are practiced in relationship.

Let’s resist accepting traditions that maintain the presence of violence in our life. Let’s open our eyes, see things differently and do things differently!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Reflection on “Like Someone in Love”!

06 Monday May 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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Abbas Kiarostami, abuse, cultural beliefs, in love, Individulaistic culutre, international violence, love, men, Moives, possessiveness, reflection, relationship, research, roles, social interactions, social life, tradition, violence

Movies are great, provocative and generative; they bring new ideas into our consciousness. One of my favorite directors, Abbas Kiarostami, recently directed a great movie; Like Someone In Love. If you haven’t seen it yet, it is highly recommended.

Kiarostami’s way of movie-making and story-telling is very special. His movies are intentionally crafted and directed; they are very purposeful; and his movies tend to show invisible subtle and neglected elements of our daily life very vividly. Like his other movies, he conveys significant phenomena that has been affected many people; Love and Violence. Love and violence, for some reasons, have been linked together in our life. This marriage is destructive.

A former university professor and a student of sociology- who has a fiance – have an encounter in a very strange way. These two main characters are affected by violence when the fiance performs love with aggression, violence and domination.

The main character in the movie is in the process of change; she questions past traditions and her role as a woman in family and society.  She is pressured to do things against her will. She wants to rebel but social cultural and legal support are not there yet.  Her voice is not developed yet.

This movie made me think of writing my next post- Love and Violence. Check out my next post and let me know what you think.

 

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Why Connection?

01 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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act of listening, art of relating, collaboration, creativity, culture, exchanging ideas, Identity, Judgment, leadership, mutuality, openness, reflection, relating, relational principles, relationships, self awareness

I believe connection is an artistic process. Many of us have difficulty connecting to one another. Why? Perhaps because we have difficulty to listen to others, respond to others and accept differences; perhaps it is something to do with the notion of ‘otherness’ or perhaps it is something to do with the degree of self/other awareness. What do you think?

It seems that connection is possible when we spend time together to create relational principles with one another. Connection is a mutual process. Relating doesn’t happen in vacuum; it is experienced when two people allow themselves to be open and influenced by one another.  What would support the formation of experience of connection is ‘suspension of judgment/ criticism and self/other awareness’.

When we enter into relationship, our statements/questions indicate the degree of our openness and willingness to experience connection. Openness to exchanging ideas leads to self-awareness and eventually to otherness.  Without relationship, Relatedness is not possible. We are products of our relationship; our identities are formed in relationship. Thus, we may need to pay attention to the importance of relatedness and our contribution to its formation.  Relational principles are not constructed automatically but by mutually given attention to the importance in relationship.

Experience of connection is possible when we creatively tune into each other and deliberately craft relational principles! Thus, connection is an intentional act.

Emotional safety and suspension of judgment/ criticism are crucial in this process. That is the only way that we feel more comfortable to listen to each other and relate to one another.

Connection is not possible without act of listening.  Listening makes people attune to ‘what and how’ things are exchanged in relationship. The importance of listening is overly talked about but is under-used in our daily conversations.

Listening is a practice of holding onto our ideas as we actively pay attention to what others say. This way, we notice differences/ similarities among shared ideas; we may find out possible gaps in our own thinking or others’.   In this process of identification, it is important not to feel threatened by differences but remain open to examine and re-view our own ideas.

Self- awareness requires openness, listening and understanding others’ points of views. We are not able to learn about our belief system without allowing others to shed light and reflect on various aspects of our ways of living/ our ways of responding to matters.  Self- awareness is formed by our ability to listen to other views and by our willingness to reflect on our own ideas/beliefs.

With listening, sharing ideas and accepting differences, we may become emotionally available to one another and experience the joy of Connection.

Happy possibilities,

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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