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Violence has many forms, levels and degrees; for instance, violence between men and women, violence between generations, violence between races, cultures and religions in a society and international violence between countries.

Most violence are ironically related to love; love for a person, love for God, love for democracy, love for land, love for …..

Do you think it is possible to love without any desire to possession, domination and control? Is it possible to love without being intrusive, without eliminating and limiting others’ freedom and wishes in life?

As we know, traditional patriarchal relationships have changed in western countries and women have fought for their advancements in the past few decades.  This social cultural shift has not happened in eastern countries. It seems that eastern countries are experiencing what western countries went through in 1950s.  This transition, as hard as it may be, is necessary.

Women in eastern countries are in transition; they are in the process of change; they began to question patriarchal traditions as well as their own roles in family and society.  They take initiatives to invite new ideas to their lives but social cultural and legal support are not there yet.

Why do you think love and violence got linked together? Who gets benefits from this marriage? Why do we attach positive meanings to acts of violence at times? What is the role of social discourses in this? Why have not we learned to love without exercising possession domination and violence?  What are the barriers to experiencing love without violence? Any ideas?

We intuitively know that love and violence don’t mix. We know that love is not genuinely experienced/ felt at presence of violence.  We know that any signs of violence-  possession, domination, aggression- is destructive to love. Why is it that this knowing is not included when interacting with one another?

To reduce violence in our interactions, we need to review our cultural values and beliefs; we need to separate destructive behaviours from acts that signify love.  We can not practice violence, domination and possession and name them as acts of love.  Love is damaged when violence, domination and possession are practiced in relationship.

Let’s resist accepting traditions that maintain the presence of violence in our life. Let’s open our eyes, see things differently and do things differently!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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