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Many books are written about ‘success’; May lectures are given on ‘success’; many researches are done on ‘success’. All has been focused on how ‘success’ happens; what makes it happen, and how one experiences ‘success’.

In my conversations with people, this is a subject discussed a lot. We all want to be successful and have successful experiences /stories in our personal and interpersonal relationships. But what constitutes success? The answer is subjective and varies from one person to another.  We all have different measuring sticks to define and evaluate ‘success’.

In my conversations with people, I came to realize that the following are essential ingredients to ‘success’:

1) Your purpose is an engine to ‘success’: If you don’t have a purpose for changing things in yourself, you are not going to begin this process. You would need ‘purpose’ and reason for wanting to bring about change in your life. Find your purpose;then everything will follow.

2) Your desire and willingness to becoming a successful person: Willingness manifests itself in your actions, words and thinking process.  Your purpose will guide you what actions to take! Make them align! For instance, when you are willing to bring about changes in your life, you try different things, you seek help, you read materials to enhance your position in relation to what you are planning to change, and so forth.

3) Your relationship with yourself: You need to become aware of your ‘losing strategies’ that are self-defeating and self -sabotaging, that prevent you from aligning your actions and your purpose. For instance, you will have less of self- ‘blaming’ and you will give more attention to your energy and its purpose. Develop a gentle, kind and friendly relationship with yourself.

4) Your relationship with people around you: If there are family members or friends close to you, pay attention to the quality of your relationship with each of them; pay attention to their relationships with you. Their support, positive energy and encouragement would contribute greatly to your experience of ‘success’. Check who is around you and pay attention to their contribution to your life plans.

5) Your relationship with community: Find a way to extend your actions and purpose that are beneficial to you to the community that you are living in.  Go bigger than self; Move away from wanting ‘success’ for yourself; become more generous and give back to community!

Any other ingredients that you come to know that is not mentioned here? Feel free to share them with me. Looking forward to your reflection!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT