Reflecting on the recent events in our social world, i became more aware of the importance of Trust and its impact on our relationships with one another.
This video explained beautifully why Trust is worth it. Enjoy!
Many books are written about ‘success’; May lectures are given on ‘success’; many researches are done on ‘success’. All has been focused on how ‘success’ happens; what makes it happen, and how one experiences ‘success’.
In my conversations with people, this is a subject discussed a lot. We all want to be successful and have successful experiences /stories in our personal and interpersonal relationships. But what constitutes success? The answer is subjective and varies from one person to another. We all have different measuring sticks to define and evaluate ‘success’.
In my conversations with people, I came to realize that the following are essential ingredients to ‘success’:
1) Your purpose is an engine to ‘success’: If you don’t have a purpose for changing things in yourself, you are not going to begin this process. You would need ‘purpose’ and reason for wanting to bring about change in your life. Find your purpose;then everything will follow.
2) Your desire and willingness to becoming a successful person: Willingness manifests itself in your actions, words and thinking process. Your purpose will guide you what actions to take! Make them align! For instance, when you are willing to bring about changes in your life, you try different things, you seek help, you read materials to enhance your position in relation to what you are planning to change, and so forth.
3) Your relationship with yourself: You need to become aware of your ‘losing strategies’ that are self-defeating and self -sabotaging, that prevent you from aligning your actions and your purpose. For instance, you will have less of self- ‘blaming’ and you will give more attention to your energy and its purpose. Develop a gentle, kind and friendly relationship with yourself.
4) Your relationship with people around you: If there are family members or friends close to you, pay attention to the quality of your relationship with each of them; pay attention to their relationships with you. Their support, positive energy and encouragement would contribute greatly to your experience of ‘success’. Check who is around you and pay attention to their contribution to your life plans.
5) Your relationship with community: Find a way to extend your actions and purpose that are beneficial to you to the community that you are living in. Go bigger than self; Move away from wanting ‘success’ for yourself; become more generous and give back to community!
Any other ingredients that you come to know that is not mentioned here? Feel free to share them with me. Looking forward to your reflection!
Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT
act of listening, art of relating, collaboration, creativity, culture, exchanging ideas, Identity, Judgment, leadership, mutuality, openness, reflection, relating, relational principles, relationships, self awareness
I believe connection is an artistic process. Many of us have difficulty connecting to one another. Why? Perhaps because we have difficulty to listen to others, respond to others and accept differences; perhaps it is something to do with the notion of ‘otherness’ or perhaps it is something to do with the degree of self/other awareness. What do you think?
It seems that connection is possible when we spend time together to create relational principles with one another. Connection is a mutual process. Relating doesn’t happen in vacuum; it is experienced when two people allow themselves to be open and influenced by one another. What would support the formation of experience of connection is ‘suspension of judgment/ criticism and self/other awareness’.
When we enter into relationship, our statements/questions indicate the degree of our openness and willingness to experience connection. Openness to exchanging ideas leads to self-awareness and eventually to otherness. Without relationship, Relatedness is not possible. We are products of our relationship; our identities are formed in relationship. Thus, we may need to pay attention to the importance of relatedness and our contribution to its formation. Relational principles are not constructed automatically but by mutually given attention to the importance in relationship.
Experience of connection is possible when we creatively tune into each other and deliberately craft relational principles! Thus, connection is an intentional act.
Emotional safety and suspension of judgment/ criticism are crucial in this process. That is the only way that we feel more comfortable to listen to each other and relate to one another.
Connection is not possible without act of listening. Listening makes people attune to ‘what and how’ things are exchanged in relationship. The importance of listening is overly talked about but is under-used in our daily conversations.
Listening is a practice of holding onto our ideas as we actively pay attention to what others say. This way, we notice differences/ similarities among shared ideas; we may find out possible gaps in our own thinking or others’. In this process of identification, it is important not to feel threatened by differences but remain open to examine and re-view our own ideas.
Self- awareness requires openness, listening and understanding others’ points of views. We are not able to learn about our belief system without allowing others to shed light and reflect on various aspects of our ways of living/ our ways of responding to matters. Self- awareness is formed by our ability to listen to other views and by our willingness to reflect on our own ideas/beliefs.
With listening, sharing ideas and accepting differences, we may become emotionally available to one another and experience the joy of Connection.
Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT