Tag Archives: empathy

Knowing VS Understanding!

30 Saturday Aug 2014

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Have you ever thought of the differences between ‘Knowing and Understanding’? How do you differentiate these two?

I, lately, found myself thinking more and more about ‘knowing and understanding’ and their differences. Listening to National and International News or reading articles on human dilemmas brought their differences more into my attention.

Knowing is a privilege of comprehension, when one learns something and accumulates knowledge related to what was learned.  To be a know-er, one goes to school, college or university, learns a subject matter and becomes an expert or specialized in a particular area of expertise.  We have become good at collecting information and knowing. Our social cultural and educational systems are focused on teaching people to view ‘Knowledge as Power’.

However, Understanding is a privilege of critical thinking, empathy and social responsibility.  Understanding is formed when what is learned are responsibly and critically re-viewed . Understanding is when we pause our thinking process and pay attention to impacts of our actions on others; when we put ourselves on someone else’s shoe and experience their affection and pain; when we become aware of the influence of our actions on our communities and society.

Knowing is usually achieved by attending schools and getting certificate or license; however, Understanding is generated by life experience, by giving attention to the layers of our social fabrics, by thinking critically about our contribution to problems in the world.

We all are taught to become a know-er, an expert. ‘Knowledge is Power’ was the slogan of the 20th century. We were taught to use any opportunities to climb up the ladder of ‘success’. We have learned that Understanding is an obstacle to one’s success.

On the other hand, we haven’t learned to explore ways of generating Understanding in human relationships.  We haven’t learned to view Understanding as Power.  We have to begin to undo what we have learned as those are obstacles to Understanding.

I don’t think we can go on this way for another century. Understanding has to be developed in our interpersonal relationships. Understanding has to be a critical part of human relationships. Understanding our differences, respecting various ideas and beliefs, and consequently, developing social responsibility are seemed to be the only avenues to preserving humanity.

Where do you place yourself in the spectrum of ‘knowing /understanding’? What actions are you taking to become an understanding person? How would you like to contribute in generating Understanding on matters that affect us all?

Happy Possibilities,

Tahereh Barati

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Poverty of Spirit!

15 Sunday Jun 2014

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A poor man asked the Buddha,

“Why am I so poor?”

The Buddha said, “You donot learn to give.”

So the poor man said, “If I’m not having anything?”

Buddha said: “You have a few things:

The Face, which can give a smile;

The Mouth, you can praise or comfort others;

The Heart, it can open up to others;

The Eyes, who can look the other with the eyes of goodness;

The Body, which can be used to help others.”

So, actually we are not poor at all.

Poverty of spirit is the real poverty.

 

Happy Possibility,

Tahereh Barati

 

Culture of competition/domination @ workplace!

11 Thursday Apr 2013

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Every workplace develops its own culture; employees and employers have impact on and participate in the formation the culture of workplace. We contribute to its formation by being active, responsive, passive, silent, or indifferent…

‘Culture of competition/domination’ is seen as the most noticeable culture in our workplaces nowadays. This culture fuels most conflicts among people at workplaces and damages our relationships and interactions with one another.

The presence of ‘culture of competition/domination’ prevents people from experience of togetherness, cooperation and empathy. It eliminates and diminishes possibilities to collaboration and exploration of ideas. It silences actions that give space to alternative ways of working together at workplace.

Many people are fired/ resigned from their workplaces; mostly because their effort to reduce the presence of ‘disconnection, imposition and domination’ was minimized; or because both parties weren’t able to resolve differences and conflicts; or because a vital system that encourages a fair decision- making process, support, acknowledgment and shared vision , is missing at workplace and so forth.

I believe we would have a better world if we stand up to the ‘culture of competition/domination’ and begin to explore fundamental principles such as cooperation, respect, collaboration and reciprocity at workplace.

If we can do that, we can really change our world, our workplace. When we begin to create new forms and structures that reflect on our values and our desire for work that is characterized by these principles, we will have a workplace that is built on cooperation and reciprocity and mutual contributions.

I believe both employees and employers need to look into themselves and revise their responses to each other. We need to take initiatives to change the undesirable culture of workplace. Employees and employers need to take responsibility for their own part and respond to the culture of ‘competition/domination’ differently.

Let’s resist the temptation of ignoring/dismissing/and denying these events in our workplace, and take a moment to reflect on what is actually happening at our workplace and how we can make a difference.

Happy Possibilities,

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

‘Fellini’s Casanova’ & Culture of Patriarchy!

31 Sunday Mar 2013

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Movies are venues to express cultural beliefs and exhibit clashes in ideas and beliefs that have been dominated/subordinated in our culture.

I recently watched one of Fellini’s movies; ‘Fellini’s Casanova’. It was directed by Federico Fellini and starring Donald Sutherland.  It is  a stunning movie showing how the ‘culture of patriarchy’ governs man’s life and his interactions with women.

As I watched the movie, many thoughts and ideas were running into my head.  The movie reignited my thinking of ‘the culture of patriarchy’ and of its effects on men and women and their relationships with one another. I began to list the problems with the ‘culture of patriarchy’ and would like to share with you some of them. They are the following:

a) Patriarchal culture promotes ‘power over’.  It doesn’t give men a space to be part of relationship but it makes him feel/think/act above the relationship.

b) Patriarchal culture exempts men from emotions; it disconnects men from who he is, as a person, in relationship; it doesn’t allow men to be vulnerable.

c) Patriarchal culture uses ‘shame’ as a controlling technique to keep men align with its principles.

The ‘culture of patriarchy’ denies and exaggerates parts of manhood/ person-hood. It injects ‘false empowerment’ to men when it supports ‘power over’ in relationship. The damaging consequence of ‘false empowerment’ is the reproduction of disconnection; disconnection that leads to isolation, lack of empathy and lack of accountability.

In patriarchal culture, men are emptied of realtionality and then filled with stuff (false empowerment, entitlement and disconnection) and sent out to be in relationship. How could one connect with another one when s/he is not relationally able to be/feel connected with others? It is a tough expectation.

Therefore, any failure brings ‘shame’ to one’s life and makes him further isolated and disconnected.   The cycle of ‘disconnection’ is perpetuated in the patriarchal culture; its intention is to keep men disconnected from himself and others.

We need to begin to talk openly about its consequences on our men and women. We need to become more aware of what it has done to our relationships with one another. We need to begin a new movement to eliminate ‘the culture patriarchy’ and re-create a culture that values and promotes ‘connection’.  We need to support ‘relational culture’ that equally respects participation and collaboration of men and women in relationship.

The antidote to ‘the culture of patriarchy’ is to learn and teach ourselves and our next generations new principles such as: ‘connection (think relationally), empathy (feel relationally), and accountability (act relationally)’ in relationship.

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

‘relational beings’.