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Tag Archives: language

Language & Comedy

19 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

comedy, ego, entertainment, externalizing, fun, human relationship, imagination, language, laughter, norms, outcome, short, social, solution focused

I have been, lately, thinking of language that used in comedy. Comedians use language in a very special unique way that appeals to people. This unique language points out discrepancies that exist in our social cultural discourses in a fashion that opens up space for laughter, conversations and reflection.

I discovered that this language has certain characteristics, they are the following:

a) It is brief:  When a story or an event is shared, it is pretty short and brief. It is straight to points; you don’t need to discover different parts of an argument, it is delivered to you right away.

b) It is imaginative: It is used to make you laugh, give you a mental ticklish, and stimulate your imagination. The problems are presented in a playful manner.

c) It is solution- oriented: It is offers alternative ways of dealing with problems and make solutions to problems more accessible. Big unshakable problems appear to be trivial and easy to solve.

d) It questions everything. It doesn’t follow any particular social norm. It expresses what is unsaid or politically incorrect .

f) It is self- deprecating.  It unpacks one’s life; It doesn’t tend to protect one’s ego or oneself. It mocks himself and others without any hesitation. it invites you to become OK with vulnerability.

g) It is not outcome- oriented: It is not invested on outcome. It shares info and knowledge without insisting on any particular result. Its purpose is to pass on experiences and have fun with them.

As you see, it is a very unique language.  If this language entertains us, I wonder, why it is not practiced in our daily interactions with one another. Any ideas?

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Why Question? Controlling others or Connecting with others!

20 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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Tags

asking questions, awareness, connection, controlling, curiousity, intention, invitational, language, motivational, questioning questions, relationship

People ask each other many questions but what do those questions mean to each of us? How do we understand and interpret questions? How do questions affect us and our relationships with one another?

Asking questions is a skill and the intention behind questions is as important as questions.  I always wonder if our intention for asking questions is related to ‘controlling behaviours’ or if it is related to our desire to ‘connect’ with one another. How would you differentiate these two intentions?

I came to realize that questions that lead to ‘controlling behaviors’ have specific characteristics. They tend to be direct, intrusive, violating one’s space; they are more critical of the other person and they somehow are not genuine. Questions that lead to ‘connection’ tend to be more invitational, motivational and encouraging; they are accompanied with curiosity to discover more about the other person.

I learned that questions with the intention of ‘connection’ make a person feel respected and accepted.  They open up space for dialogue and conversations; they become venues for exchanging ideas and receiving acknowledgment and they become platforms for further engagement with one’s life.

I also learned that questions with the intention of ‘controlling’ tend to produce fear, intimidation and doubts. They make one feel interrogated, disrespected and violated. They close down conversations; they reinforce the power relations and they reproduce further disconnection.

If our intention of asking questions is to strengthen our connection to and further our understanding of the other person, it seems that it is important to close a gap between our intention and our practice of asking questions. When our intention and our way of questioning are aligned, we move towards a direction of experiencing ‘connection’ otherwise, inadvertently, we may reproduce ‘disconnection’ in relationship.

Do you think becoming aware of your intention could make a difference in the way we ask questions or the way we position ourselves to others? What other things do you think you need to pay attention to when asking questions?

Looking forward to your reflection,

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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