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Tag Archives: marital relationship

Reflection on ‘Blood Pressure’!

04 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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'Blood Pressure', culture, empowerment, false empowerment, film, grenerations., guns, marital conflicts, marital relationship, men, movies, politics, positive changes, possibilities, practice violence, relationships, social discourse, strengths, strong women, violence, Women

I went to a theater to see the movie, Blood Pressure, the other day. The theater was full. I don’t usually read the film reviews prior to seeing a movie; I read them after; just for comparing my thoughts with other interpretations …

It is an intriguing and beautifully filmed movie.  It is about a woman, named Nicole (played by Michelle Giroux), who lives with her husband (Mike), who has no time for vacation, and her two children who boss her around. Nicole receives letters from an anonymous person who encourages her to enjoy her life and taking care of herself.  This new relationship has some positive impact on Nicole. She gains confidence and becomes more participant in her home/ work life. Other people in Nicole’s life notice and get surprised by the positive change in her life.

As a result of the positive changes in her life, her husband (played by Judah Katz) becomes more interested in repairing their marital relationship and her children become more interested in learning and respecting more about their mother. The movie continues and takes you to a very unexpected pathway…

The movie got me thinking about the way ’empowerment’ is defined and portrayed in the movie and in our society; it seems violence and aggression are signs of ’empowerment’. It felt as if women need to become violent and aggressive to be known as a strong person.

There is a social discourse that ‘women are not strong unless they practice violence and aggression’. This makes me wonder why violence and aggression has been glorified in our society?  Why do you think ‘being strong’ is equivalent with the practice of violence or aggression in relationship with others?  Why is it that other forms of strengths are overlooked, unrecognized and deliberately denied in our society?

When we look at the history of humankind, there were many strong women who didn’t need to learn any methods of violence and aggression to be called and known as ‘strong women’.  Why is it that practice of violence and guns are promoted so greatly? Who do you think defines ‘strength’ and ’empowerment’ for men and women?

What would happen if our definitions of ‘strengths and empowerment’ for women and men change? Would our next generations become peacemakers/ negotiators or soldiers/ fighters? What would we want to see our sons and daughters doing in years to come?

It seems that ‘culture of guns and violence’ is promoted globally. We need to revise our definitions of ‘strengths, empowerment and power’ and step out of individualistic definitions of these concepts.

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Relationship & Its impact!

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles

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conversation, courage, identity conclusion, impact, marital relationship, parental relationship, partnership, relational, relationship, response, work relationships

We live in relationship; relationship defines us, makes us, breaks us, modifies us and forms us.

We live in many various relationships. Every Relationship has three components – two participants and combination of both (A, B, AB).  We are satisfied when relationship has a capacity to hold nurture and make us grow. We are unsatisfied when relationship limits, minimizes and pressures us.

Our friendship relationships, our work relationships, our marital and parental relationships are contexts for formation of our identity- personal and professional identities.

Relationship is a place that individuals give and take each others’ courage.  Relationship is a place that individuals boost and destroy each others’ personal agency. Relationship is a place that provides conditions for re-construction or deconstruction of self.

When we experience suffering, suffocation and constraints in relationship, we may need to listen to what we experience and act upon it.  Participants of any relationship are not ‘passive recipients’. We contribute and have an impact on each other.

We may ignore, dismiss and silence voices of dissatisfaction. We may drown ourselves into work-holism and addiction. We may try to silence our voices and close our eyes; however, we can not stay and not have any ‘act of resistance’ in relationship. We do intentionally or unintentionally take stances in relation to what happens in our relationships.

Individuals respond; individuals make a balance between what is given and what is received in relationship. Nothing is lost in relationship. We have an impact on each other. The impact could stagnate or generate new possibilities.  The impact has to be monitored and evaluated more often because it has power to define, make, or break us in a long run.

If you are in relationship that makes you put aside your core values and preferences in life, you need to start having conversations with other participants of this relationship.

Conversation is the response to undesirable relational impact; the conversation that steers the direction of relationship back to its preferred direction!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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