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Tag Archives: misuse of power

Power Balance in Relationships!

02 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Link, Reflection

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Tags

abuse, autonomy, boundaries, conditions, conversations, culture, equality, equity, ethics, fairness, misuse of power, possibilities, power, power balance, power flower, power imbalance, privileges, purpose, reflection, relationships

We wish to be in a relationship that is equitable, fair and honest. Our desire is to be involved and nurtured in a relationship that feeds our soul, mind and body.

Relationships we have with others are invaluable and influential. Relationships with our partners, employers, colleagues, family members, children, school staff, neighbours, and so on are essential in our livelihood. Relationships form our identity and our understanding of ourselves and others.

We are often curious to know why sometimes it is difficult to find a relationship that nurtures us the way we deserve. We often wonder why it is not easy to form relationships without any external influences. We are often interested in learning more about those who are happy with their relationships with others. We want to know what works, what doesn’t, why some have it and some don’t.

Historically, everything seems to be geared to individuals. Success or failure of relationships has been an individual’s responsibility. We all may remember a statement that was said to us: ‘it is your fault if your relationships with others don’t work’.

I would like to challenge this attitude and mentality towards individuals and shed light on some hidden factors and conditions that influence our relationships with others in society.  I am not convinced that an individual -based answer to a complex question such as relationship is accurately reflective of all domains involved in relationship.

I suggest that we begin to pay attention to what contributes to so- called ‘failure or success’ in relationship; what makes it work and what prevents it from working; what internal and external factors intervene to one’s interactions with others.

I would like to name and categorize all of those factors and conditions as ‘POWER/ PRIVILEGES”.

Yes, I am aware of many definitions of power and privileges . To illustrate this, i would like you to take a test. Have you done ‘the Power Flower’ test? Here is the link to do the test. Please return to this page to continue reflecting on this theme.

http://web2.uvcs.uvic.ca/courses/csafety/mod2/media/flower.htm

Thanks for doing the test. Here are some questions that i would like you to think and reflect on:

  • What was it like for you to do the test?
  • What did you notice?
  • How many petals did you collect that were in Yellow and how many were in Blue?

Count your petals in each colour.  If you have more Blue petals, it means that your ‘power and privileges’ are recognized in society. If you have more Yellow Petals, it means  your ‘power and privileges’ may not be recognized in society as much.

Having this information in mind, I would like you to imagine yourself entering in a relationship; it could be a work related, romance related, or professional related relationship.  Knowing the fact that you have or have not shared the same power and privileges as the other person, pay attention to how you interact with the other person.

  • Would this knowledge change your interaction with the other person? How so?
  • How do you position yourself in a relationship when interacting with a person who has less or more power/privileges in society?
  • Does this knowledge affect your expectations from the other person? How so?
  • What do you need to be mindful of when interacting with a person with less or more privileges/power than you?
  • What difference do you think this knowledge make in your future relationships with others?

Wish you create conditions for yourself and others to have an equitable, fair and honest relationship with you!

Hope you engage in relationships that nurture your soul, mind and body!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Patriarchy and Honour Killing!

02 Thursday Feb 2012

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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Tags

abuse, change, communities, cultural norms., culture, democracy, east vs west, enlightenment, family, history, honour killing, human rights, military, misuse of power, patriarchy, political system, power, rule of law, tyranny

The practice of ‘honour killing’ has been around for many many centuries. The origin of ‘honour killings’ and the control of women are evidenced throughout history in the culture and tradition of many regions.

Honour killing is rooted in patriarchy.  ‘Honour killing’ is an unjust act; it is a justification for the selfish egocentric act when men’s power is challenged, and it is a calculated response to eliminate ones who disobey traditional norms.

Patriarchy is a social system in which the male gender role as the primary authority figure is central to social organization, and where fathers hold authority over women, children, and property. It implies the institutions of male rule and privilege and entails female subordination. (Wikipedia)

Patriarchy is an unjust social system that is oppressive to women. The right to live for women and children in families and communities is conditional to their obeying social and cultural norms and traditions.

Western societies have come a long way to establishing an egalitarian social system that honours gender differences and respects the right to live for every person in society and families.   Under the practice of the rule of law, patriarchy became less and less apparent and more and more restricted and limited in social interactions!

It is important to acknowledge that many social movements have played an important role in the reduction of patriarchy in western societies. Social movements such as human rights movement, the feminist movement and anti- oppression movement.

I believe there is a need for a global movement against patriarchy. Without intensive collective actions against patriarchy, ‘honour killing’ may continue in many different societies.

We need to begin a talk on the role of patriarchy in establishment and maintenance of tyrannies in the world. Tyranny and Patriarchy! Yes, they are linked together and feed each other off.

I believe that we need to put our acts and efforts together to aim and dismantle ‘patriarchy’.  Dismantling patriarchy doesn’t require wars, it doesn’t require strong military actions but it does require a grand vision. A vision that promotes peace, liberty and human rights among people despite any differences in gender, race, sexual orientation and religion…

Let’s ‘think globally and act locally’ to tackle patriarchy!

Happy Possibilities!

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