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Tag Archives: relationship

What Sustains Relationship?

01 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles

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connection, ethics, happiness, I- Thou Relationship, Relational Being, relational responsibilities, relationship, Sustainability

Every person walks into a relationship with her/his own life experiences. No one enters into someone’s life for no reason. Its reasons may be invisible to us but there are some purposes in our social engagements. One benefit of social engagement is to develop our own principles/ethics in life. We learn about our own personal and relational ethics/principles when we enter into life experiences of others. The richness of our life depends on the quality of relationships we are in. Relationships have significant influences on who we are and how we are with the Other.

Buber (1979) differentiates relationships focusing on the Other as “Thou” from those  viewing the Other as ‘It”. Those of us caught in the pattern of “I–It” relationship connect with the Other as an object. The Other as ‘It’ becomes a means to our own personal ends. The “I” is driven/directed by his/her own egocentric needs. The Other is set at a distance and the “I” don’t attempt to experience the Other’s side. The Other is absent as a person, as a being, in the relationship. The Other is a means to an end rather than being a partner in dialogue. The “I-It” relationship is monological and subjective rather than dialogical and inter-human.

In an “I- Thou” relationship, unlike “I – It”, a person turns toward the Other and confirms his or her being.  The “I- Thou” relationship is characterized by “mutuality, directness, present-ness, intensity, and ineffability” (Friedman, 1960).

Relationships collapse when people are trapped in an “I-It” relationship. “I- It” relationship doesn’t have the capacity to last and fulfill relational needs of parties. In the “I- It” engagement, we constantly search for another “It” to bring us joy and happiness; nothing seems to be enough. Treating and viewing the Other as “It” is a recipe for disaster which closes down potential venues to personal and relational growth. The only way out is our awareness to search for ways of reconnecting to our principles/ethics to re-connect with the Other in a new way.

We are able to transform an “I-It’ encounter to an “I-Thou” relationship.  What makes it possible lies in our ability to revise our ethics in the relationship; to become responsible to the Other. This is the only way to identification and reconstruction of our personal and relational ethics. This is a gateway to experiencing ourselves as “relational beings” (Gergen 2009). When we enter into the “I- Thou” relationship, we become part of an open ever-evolving process. There is no endpoint or a tangible goal. We become multi-dimensional and, then, larger than life.

Think about relationships that you are in. When thinking of the quality of your relationship with the Other person, how do you describe the Other person? Has the Other person become an “It” or “Thou”? There is a direct link between your problems in the relationship and you viewing the Other as “It”. Review your ethics and redraw the definition of your relationship with the Other. When doing so, you would be amazed to see what becomes possible to you.

Happy possibilities!

Tahereh Barati

 

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How to talk to your daughter about her body!

14 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles

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Communication, culture of patriarchy, Gender Issues, human relationships, Mother-daughter, relationship, Self Image, Soical Discourses

This article shares my view on the importance of mother- daughter relationship in all aspects; particularly, when it comes to self-image. The relationships between mother and daughter have been affected by patriarchy. This article suggests and encourages us to change it. Enjoy!

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Poverty of Spirit!

15 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in quotations, Reflection

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awareness, community, connection, empathy, Mindfulness, Poverty of spirit, presence, relationship, The Buddha

A poor man asked the Buddha,

“Why am I so poor?”

The Buddha said, “You donot learn to give.”

So the poor man said, “If I’m not having anything?”

Buddha said: “You have a few things:

The Face, which can give a smile;

The Mouth, you can praise or comfort others;

The Heart, it can open up to others;

The Eyes, who can look the other with the eyes of goodness;

The Body, which can be used to help others.”

So, actually we are not poor at all.

Poverty of spirit is the real poverty.

 

Happy Possibility,

Tahereh Barati

 

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Dream!

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in poetry, Reflection

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Dream, human relationship, Life Meaning, poetry, relationship, shared dream

Dream never dies even if it is old

Dream never dies even if it is not popular

My dream never dies even if it is not supported by you!

Dream Dream Dream

Without dream, life has no meaning

Without dream, life has no direction

Without dream, my time is wasted by you!

Dream dream Dream

 

Tahereh Barati

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Waiting!

07 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in poetry, Reflection

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Companionship, Company, poetry, Quality time, relationship, Sharing

Come to the table

Come to the dinner

I am sitting here waiting for you!

For hours, days and nights

eating dinner alone!

Where are you to join me on time?

Where are you to share this bread with me this time?

Where are you to be my nightmate this night?

Waiting waiting waiting

until the night falls and

you show up at my door!

 

Tahereh Barati

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You and I!

04 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in poetry, Reflection

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art of relating, Attachment, connection, Constructing Future, Future, Influence, memories, Not ME, Now and Here, Past, Present, Presents, Priceless, relationship, Sacred bond, Special, Today, Under Influence, WE

Tomorrow hasn’t arrived

Past is passed

These moments are our present!

 

Seize these moments

Make them special

Make me special

Let me make you special!

 

These moments are passing

Let me influence the time

Let’s make these moments forever

for you and I!

 

Time will lose its meaning,

when you and I influence these moments

Let’s make them special!

 

Tahereh Barati

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In Silence!

31 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in poetry, Reflection

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Commitment, Decision, Judgment, Position, Rebeling against, relationship, Silence

In this silence,

Can anything grow?

In this silence,

my mind searches new possibilities!

In this silence,

I may go forever away

without you!

I may stay around

without you!

In this silence,

Those who are watching us

will know

will judge

will choose!

…

Tahereh Barati

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Gifts of Spiritual Journey 3!

12 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles

≈ 2 Comments

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Art of Negotiation;, change, Embracing Change, life, Mental adjustment, Negotiation;, Physical limitation, Positions, relationship, Soical change

Life is a series of negotiations; negotiations with ourselves, with others and with the world around us.

In this journey, I actively paid attention to my pace and my physical limitations; I learned to negotiate the route according to my physical and mental limitations. I learned to negotiate with others whom shared the room with in different albergues. I learned further to value the art of negotiation. I believe the art of negotiation has the following ingredients: a) being comfortable with silence, b) being fully present and c) giving attention to ourselves, others and the world around us!

Positions we take in life are changeable; they are not fixed; they are there to be constantly negotiated with others.  They need to change when our social political and relational circumstances change. Positions we take don’t define us; they are to facilitate the way to relate with one another.

We change; our values change; therefore, our life, change. We live in the state of flux!. That is how we become a new person; that is how we reach our potentials!

Let’s celebrate our becoming!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Ingredients of Success!

06 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, sharing success stories

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Actions, connection, creativity, leadership, life, purpose, relationship, Success

Many books are written about ‘success’; May lectures are given on ‘success’; many researches are done on ‘success’. All has been focused on how ‘success’ happens; what makes it happen, and how one experiences ‘success’.

In my conversations with people, this is a subject discussed a lot. We all want to be successful and have successful experiences /stories in our personal and interpersonal relationships. But what constitutes success? The answer is subjective and varies from one person to another.  We all have different measuring sticks to define and evaluate ‘success’.

In my conversations with people, I came to realize that the following are essential ingredients to ‘success’:

1) Your purpose is an engine to ‘success’: If you don’t have a purpose for changing things in yourself, you are not going to begin this process. You would need ‘purpose’ and reason for wanting to bring about change in your life. Find your purpose;then everything will follow.

2) Your desire and willingness to becoming a successful person: Willingness manifests itself in your actions, words and thinking process.  Your purpose will guide you what actions to take! Make them align! For instance, when you are willing to bring about changes in your life, you try different things, you seek help, you read materials to enhance your position in relation to what you are planning to change, and so forth.

3) Your relationship with yourself: You need to become aware of your ‘losing strategies’ that are self-defeating and self -sabotaging, that prevent you from aligning your actions and your purpose. For instance, you will have less of self- ‘blaming’ and you will give more attention to your energy and its purpose. Develop a gentle, kind and friendly relationship with yourself.

4) Your relationship with people around you: If there are family members or friends close to you, pay attention to the quality of your relationship with each of them; pay attention to their relationships with you. Their support, positive energy and encouragement would contribute greatly to your experience of ‘success’. Check who is around you and pay attention to their contribution to your life plans.

5) Your relationship with community: Find a way to extend your actions and purpose that are beneficial to you to the community that you are living in.  Go bigger than self; Move away from wanting ‘success’ for yourself; become more generous and give back to community!

Any other ingredients that you come to know that is not mentioned here? Feel free to share them with me. Looking forward to your reflection!

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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Reflection on “Like Someone in Love”!

06 Monday May 2013

Posted by Tahereh Barati, PhD in Articles, Reflection

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Abbas Kiarostami, abuse, cultural beliefs, in love, Individulaistic culutre, international violence, love, men, Moives, possessiveness, reflection, relationship, research, roles, social interactions, social life, tradition, violence

Movies are great, provocative and generative; they bring new ideas into our consciousness. One of my favorite directors, Abbas Kiarostami, recently directed a great movie; Like Someone In Love. If you haven’t seen it yet, it is highly recommended.

Kiarostami’s way of movie-making and story-telling is very special. His movies are intentionally crafted and directed; they are very purposeful; and his movies tend to show invisible subtle and neglected elements of our daily life very vividly. Like his other movies, he conveys significant phenomena that has been affected many people; Love and Violence. Love and violence, for some reasons, have been linked together in our life. This marriage is destructive.

A former university professor and a student of sociology- who has a fiance – have an encounter in a very strange way. These two main characters are affected by violence when the fiance performs love with aggression, violence and domination.

The main character in the movie is in the process of change; she questions past traditions and her role as a woman in family and society.  She is pressured to do things against her will. She wants to rebel but social cultural and legal support are not there yet.  Her voice is not developed yet.

This movie made me think of writing my next post- Love and Violence. Check out my next post and let me know what you think.

 

Happy Possibilities!

Tahereh Barati, M.A, RMFT

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